May 06, 2012
[Disclaimer: Those who came looking for a teenage girl's drama can go jump off their roofs now]
The heart was made to be broken. - Oscar Wilde
First things first. When I say 'heartbreak', I'm not necessarily referring to the romantic kind (although more often than not it happens to be the case).
Heartbreaks are an integral part of life. Necessary evil, if you will, that makes you stronger, and wiser. I had never thought that heartbreaks are key factors in growing up and having realizations.
I have always believed that there's only two things in life: gifts and lessons. Heartbreaks clearly fall in the second bucket (at least initially), somewhere down the line you might eventually be able to see the 'gift' aspect of them too, which is when it all starts making sense and you are grateful that it happened.
I have a problem. Trying to put it simply: I'm not one of those people who fake a smile to your face to make you feel happy while cursing you under their breath at the same time. I don't believe in living a two-faced life. There's many reasons behind that. One of the big ones being, I believe you're spending way too much of your time and energy doing this. You're lying to the other person, you're lying to yourself and to anyone else who is a part of this mutual equation. And all this is pointless for people who are apparently not worthy of having a place in your life. Because if they were, you wouldn't have taken the two-faced route to begin with.
There are downsides to my approach. I get over-attached to people at times. This is mostly when things hurt. Its pretty obvious: the only people that can hurt you are the ones whom you give a power to do so. A random guy walking on the road hurling abuses at you wouldn't probably hurt you a hundredth of someone special ignoring you for a day. This is a realization to hold on to. Because I remember reading somewhere: "People will hurt you. Sometimes even if they don't mean to." Maybe just because your expectations of them are different from what they consider your relationship to be. The point here is about accepting this fact. One thing you can do (and I recommend doing this with a bit of sensibility rather than in a bout of emotion) is make the other person clear about what you think and feel about them. I have personally believed and experienced that having a clear and open communication is the most important piece, almost like a lifeline to any relationship, not just the romantic ones. That, and mutual respect for each other.
The upside to heartbreaks is, you get to know the REAL people. Both of their faces, in some cases. And that, I think is one big reason to be grateful for; since you know just what to do with them now. Heartbreaks teach you to become wiser and put more effort into understanding the other person. They help you understand what people can do and be. They make you able to tell similar people to fuck off the next time you come across one. Beware, heartbreaks can also make you into a wry person, which is something you should watch out for. Nobody in the World should be able to change who you are at the core. If they are able to, that just means you are doing what they essentially wanted you to. I would never lose to people who never deserve me in their life, let alone become more like them.
The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it... - Nicholas Sparks, At First Sight
This quote reminded me of a song:
Of course, you're going to get your heart broken. And it isn't just going to happen once, but a lot. That's just part of growing up, and it makes you stronger. Then you can handle it better next time. You may not get through it yourself, but your friends will help you through it. And you'll be a stronger person because of it. Then one day someone will come along, and it'll all pay off and no one will ever break your heart again. Always have good friends around.
Are you one of those who think love and romance are overrated, and only meant to sell Valentine's Day cards? I don't care what you think.
I was, and remain, a hopeless romantic.